See this guy?
His name is Barack Obama. He’s a pretty important guy, the President of the United States actually. As such, he is undoubtedly the most powerful person in my country and (arguably) the most powerful person in the world. He has a lot of hard decisions to make on a daily basis, gets most of them right and a few of them wrong, and goes about his business the best he can. No biggie.
He looks pretty happy in that picture, doesn’t he? Yeah, I like that picture. He seems to be having a good time. Looks like the kind of guy who it would be easy to have a conversation with. Sure, he’s still a politician, no matter how much you love the guy. Which means that he’s beholden to juggle a bunch of shit around, sprinkle around some white lies, and basically do the best he can under extremely ridiculous circumstances. Most Americans know the drill. Nobody’s perfect. Politicians be politickin’, you know?
But to millions of Americans, the ‘reality’ is far, far worse. In fact, did you know the pleasant chap above is actually the subject of a decades-long conspiracy, perfectly carried out over the span of 50 years, whereby a Kenyan Muslim with Marxist and socialist beliefs was nurtured by a shadowy cabal of conspirators in order to invade America from the inside, implement Sharia law, and turn it into the power center of the Muslim Brotherhood? For real! Makes you look at that picture again in a whole different light, doesn’t it?
But it gets worse! Obamacare is a governmental takeover of healthcare designed to kill your grandparents! Oh my God! Obama is also secretly and purposely creating a welfare state dependent on him and handing out free phones to welfare queens so that he can create a vast network of happily-lazy poor people who will vote for him in perpetuity. Jesus! Oh, and tied in with that is Obama proclaiming himself dictator if he wins election in 2012. That will also happen, and in a matter of months, if not WEEKS! The humanity!
You think that’s bad? Just the tip of the iceberg, my friends. President Obama is not just a political and social danger, but a danger to the very Earth you call home. Yes indeedy, there is a good possibility that Barack Obama is the ANTICHRIST, designed to bring about the end of the world and usher in Armageddon! Like, THE Armageddon!
Right now, I’d imagine you’re feverishly clutching your pearls and scrambling for your off-white corded phone by the cabinet with the good china. Just hold your horses there! Sit back down. It’s alright. See, you’ve been taken in by a bit of what we rationalists call fearmongering. Actually, that’s not entirely accurate. There’s a much more specific condition that you may have briefly fallen victim to. We have a term for it – Obama Rage Syndrome, or ORS. Sufferers of this malady must endure a number of ailments in conjunction with their condition. These included, but are not limited to:
- uncontrollable hyperbole
- vivid hallucinations
- foaming at the mouth
- temporary episodes of Tourette’s Syndrome
- tendency towards extreme personal embarrassment
Unfortunately, Obama Rage Syndrome is extremely difficult to cure. Only long-term exposure to rational and non-idiotic political discourse has any real effect on ORS. Even this has no effect on some of the most severe sufferers, but sometimes, people can be cured.
The purpose of this site, however, is not to cure sufferers of ORS. Rather, it will be a case study of the most unfortunate victims of this terrible disease. Together, we will delve into their psyches, horribly fractured by this vicious malady, and attempt to compile information that may help us battle ORS for the next four years. Or, if you’re not into that, we’ll just laugh at them. I’m easy.
Let the games begin.
Obama Rage Syndrome 